


Borrowed time

by hongse



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Blood and Injury, Codependency, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Injury, M/M, Masochism, Mild Blood, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Graphic Violence, Obsession, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Stockholm Syndrome, TADASHI'S POV - Freeform, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, WRITTEN BEFORE EP 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:46:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29598501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongse/pseuds/hongse
Summary: 16-year-old Kai runs away on a midsummer evening, with nothing but a blue backpack and his beloved skateboard. That’s all the information agent Kiriko Kamata can find inside Kai’s file on her very first day of fieldwork. It is only a matter of weeks before Tadashi Kikuchi, a lonely and reserved teen skater, meets Ainosuke Shindo, young and lucky heir of the Shindo empire, and falls so hard for him he’s not sure he’ll survive the landing.And yet, it takes about a decade for Tadashi and Kai to meet.or,Ainosuke & Tadashi loving each other in all the wrong ways for about ten years.
Relationships: Kikuchi Tadashi & Chinen Miya, Kikuchi Tadashi & Nanjo Kojiro | Joe & Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom, Kikuchi Tadashi/Shindo Ainosuke | Adam, Nanjo Kojiro | Joe & Shindo Ainosuke | Adam, Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom & Shindo Ainosuke | Adam
Comments: 7
Kudos: 41





	Borrowed time

**Author's Note:**

> **I WROTE THIS BEFORE EPISODE 7**. I was mildly shocked when I saw the flashbacks. Sure, some bits don’t work with this fic, but I am quite pleased by the overall mood, the relationship between /my boys/ are still on point!
> 
> I am quite perplexed by my own writing after watching this show – I swear I am having so much fun watching it and ship a lot of happy stuff – but here we go again with some fun kidnapping and dub-con! Because this is me, apparently.
> 
> I loved Tadashi from the opening because ~~he looks a lot like Stephen from Death Note lol~~ and I couldn’t believe my own two eyes at that ‘GOOD BOY’. Also, I saw other people saying that they thought Tadashi called the police during Adam and Langa’s race, I screamed the exact same thing when watching the ep. As usual, hating on Adam in the comments will not be appreciated :3 (Someday, I’ll write some nice Eden content. I will. But, to quote the almighty BTS, _not today_.)
> 
> This monster is about 20 pages on Word, which is about 19 pages longer than my usual stuff (lol) so please feel free to point out any typos, there will be plenty. Proofreading is a bitch, and sadly not _my_ bitch. Also, please let me know if I missed any tags!
> 
> Quote&title from ‘Borrowed time’ from Death Note: The Musical. Because Tadashi is the Misa to Adam’s Kira.

**‘you can do your best to do you worst and get in my head**

**'m cheating death with every breath and every sigh**

**I'm already gone**

**‘cause I'm living on borrowed time’**

* * *

« Aizawa Kai. Sixteen. Last seen leaving his house two days ago.

He carries a backpack, possibly blue, and a skateboard. »

« _Two_ days? Christ. »

« The mother doesn’t remember what he was wearing. »

« Could it be...? »

« Always. But it looks like the kid ran away. »

« _Shit_. That means- »

« ...nobody will give a fuck. »

« I see. Let me- _Agent Kamata...?_ Yes. If you could come up to my office, as soon as possible. We might need to put your good nose at use. Yes, that'd be your first official assignment. Welcome to the team. »

* * *

He wished he had a better story for when people asked him why he ran away. 

That had been happening a lot in the couple of weeks he had been spending on the streets. Summer was being merciful that year, lasting longer than usual, and sleeping outside was still pleasant. He had strayed away from his original plan and forsaken the city: he had looked at the map and found Tokyo seemed a world away, up North, and his dreams had never gone far enough to base his decisions on them. He might have been a consistent, irredeemable failure, but at least he was a practical one. His eyes had wandered down the map, finally setting on Okinawa: warm, peaceful and just a boat ride away.

He wished he were the son of a famous gangster, the illegitimate child of a celebrity; a wizard an alien a clone a _something_ that belonged elsewhere, which could explain why he felt so utterly out of place on this planet. He wished his parents were terrible people and that he had to fight his way out of their house. The sad and simple truth was, nobody cared about him at home. Nobody ever did and he could hardly blame anyone but himself for being, well, _unremarkable._

‘Running away’ probably made it sound too dramatic. He had simply _walked away_ , unnoticed, unneeded, one in a million, but the wrong kind. 

Once, only once, he called the emergency number borrowing a phone from a nice old lady. He had been particularly hungry that day and was so close to give up. After a series of _beep_ and _we’re transferring your call_ , a frantic female voice had said his name. That did make an impression – maybe his parents did notice, after all – but the sound of it, after going to long without hearing it, rubbed him off the wrong way. He decided he didn’t like his name anymore, he should think of something else. Since he was ignoring the questions about where he was and what was going on, he decided there was no point in wasting the lady’s money. The last thing he heard before hanging the phone was something soft, like ‘ _you don’t have to tell me, I’ll just come and get you’._

He had his skateboard, though. Practising tricks required only a board and certain tolerance for physical pain – no friends, no plans, nothing. He could do ‘nothing’. Nothing was his standard. There was probably some degree of satisfaction in memorising a route, with all the dangerous spots and the good ones to jump, and in slowly, methodically landing the tricks he had been working on. It wasn’t happiness, more like contentment, like filling up a blank square without going over the lines or breaking a cookie in two perfectly symmetrical halves. 

Once, another skater – a girl much cooler than him who brought him back his board after a particularly nasty fall – told him to be careful, because his skating was reckless. And she felt the need to point out: _not brave,_ reckless _._ _‘You don’t skate like someone who isn’t afraid to fall, you skate like someone who doesn’t care if he does’_. 

* * *

« Sir, we have a lead! I mean, it’s not much, but- »

« Nonsense, my dear. You’ve been working almost by yourself on this. Show me the lead. »

« See, here on the map? I got a couple of promising witnesses. It could be Kai. Here, read their descriptions. »

« It does sound promising. What now? »

« Well. Here’s the thing. We have more, other bystanders seeing a boy that matches the description, but- »

« But? »

« There must have been another boy, very similar to Kai. One of them was seen taking a train to Tokyo. The other went up to the ferry. Most likely, he took it. I- I don’t know where to go from here. »

« _I see_. »

* * *

The warm temperature didn’t do much to soothe the bone-chilling feeling of being completely alone. There was water, _part of an ocean_ , between him and his old life. 

He thought of the incoming autumn, but absent-mindedly, as if the homeless boy with an empty stomach wasn’t really him. He had become a decent pickpocket and an average shoplifter. He made sure to move around and to avoid catching anybody’s eye – _as if_ \- until he finally found a permanent home in an abandoned mine. Hopefully, it was dangerous, so no one would come around. It took a while to get to the nearest store to snitch some food, then again, why complaining when he had a perfect hideaway and plenty of room to pull off crazily dangerous stunts? He felt more reckless than ever, nothing to lose and nobody to bother, not even in death – there wasn’t even somebody who would have to waste money on his funeral, they would have probably never recovered his body anyway.

 _Because_ , apparently, the abandoned mine wasn’t abandoned _enough_.

« And who’s _that_. » a voice woke him up, sometimes in September.

It wasn’t a question, no doubt about it. He opened one eye at the time, slowly. The boy speaking looked as if he’d come straight out of some cheesy otome game. His lithe, long body swirled gracefully as he made a u-turn with his board, stopping a few meters away. 

« Leave him alone, _Sakura-chan_. » another boy teased him.

« You call me that one more time- »

« Guys. _Please_. »

There were three boys, now. It could be because he was still curled up on the ground, his head resting on the backpack and his arms holding the board, but they looked like a vision, tall and strong and graced with a god-like beauty. They circled around him on their skates, exuding confidence with every movement, and yet, he didn’t feel as concerned as he probably should have. The group looked not that older than himself, they must have been in their twenties; perhaps the third one might have been a few years older.

« He has a board! » the second boy spoke again, eyes sparkling with interest.

« I wonder if he’s good enough- » the first one trailed off, twisting a pink lock around his fingers, looking thoughtful for a moment.

It was the other one, though, the one who came last and hadn’t really said much until that point, he couldn’t take his eyes off of. There was something about him – not the delicate beauty of the pink-haired one, nor the strong, masculine body of the other, but something in-between, rooted deep in the hard line of his jaw and the intense, slightly overwhelming focus of his eyes. Something _unsettling that belonged to a wild beast_. His clothes were refined – _who the hell skates in a designer’s tracksuit?_ – and his demeanor betrayed an obvious upper-class upbringing and yet, on some primal level, he felt they were alike.

« What is your name? » he asked, apparently ignoring his friends.

« I’m- uhm- my name is- » he swallowed thick, his brain struggling to cooperate « _Tadashi._ » he almost choked on it, but then his mind powered up « Kikuchi Tadashi. Nice to meet you. »

« Do you want to skate with us? » 

The boy held his hand out to help him up and Tadashi took it.

* * *

« _He wouldn’t go to Tokyo_. I beg you, just read my report. »

« I did, my dear. It was an excellent first report. You’re going to make a great agent, someday. »

« Than _make them_ read it. He took the ferry, _I know it_. I know _Kai_. I’ve- »

« I know you do. And I know you have. But that’s not enough. That’s no proof. »

« _What now?_ »

« I am afraid, as for ‘now’, there isn’t anything we can do for Kai. »

« Do you think he’s safe? That he has found somebody...? »

« I’d like to think so. »

* * *

Some days, Tadashi felt like neither of them had let go ever since. Which sounded poetic and romantic, in his head, but it could get ugly very quickly.

Ainosuke and his friends – Kaoru e Kojiro – were exceptional skaters, skilled to a point that it made no sense they weren’t doing it professionally. Kojiro wasn’t genetically built to give enough fucks to pursue a professional career in anything that wasn’t annoying the hell our of Kaoru. Kaoru’s prominent stick up his butt prevented him from sharing his hobbies with his other friends and his family; he would never be associated with the skating community in the daylight. 

The fact they were both menaces to society and raced each other within an inch of their lives was also quite relevant.

Ainosuke simply had no choice.

Those had been his words exactly and they had made Tadashi’s heart clench in his chest. There was no room for anything but the family business in his future. _‘You’re so lucky, you’re free to be whoever you want to be’,_ he had said.

In retrospective, he should have laughed at that, because Tadashi had never met anyone truest to his own nature. Ainosuke was _born_ to be a billionaire sociopath - one could say his dream had come true, in the end.

 _‘You’re so lucky, you’re free to be whoever you want to be’_ , the older boy had said, dragging Tadashi across the threshold of his villa, making for an interesting contrast. Tadashi didn’t even know houses were allowed to be that big without having to formally declare themselves a free state. Ainosuke begged him to stay over, not just that night, but as many nights as he wanted. _‘The house is so big, no one will even notice you’re here!'_. 

No one did. Tadashi still couldn’t tell the relief and the surprise apart.

And yet, he had a friend, now. He had a friend who would go this far to help him and take care of him after just one day of simply skating together. ' _You are so good! I think we’re going to have fun’_ and then a playful shove and a laugh; Tadashi was so touch-starved he almost felt dizzy at the contact and he hadn't laughed in a million years or so. Ainosuke didn’t seem to mind his desperation. 

They didn’t sleep much on their first night. They wrapped themselves in a thick blanket, lights off and voices low, and talked themselves away until dawn. Ainosuke appeared fascinated by Tadashi’s life story and didn’t spare his impressed faces and words of praise for his courage. 

« No wonder you skate like that. »

« Mh? You really think I’m good...? »

« I think you could become great. I mean, you’re basically still a kid- »

« I’m _sixteen_. » Tadashi hissed and the other boy laughed.

« Fine, fine. All I meant is that you are good, but you could get even better. »

« Will you help me..? »

The older boy scooted closer and kissed Tadashi’s forehead. Tadashi would have been confused any other day, forehead kisses had some sort of grown-up quality to them, and the gesture felt a bit out of place coming from someone not that older than him; it wasn’t any other day, though, it was the end of the most terrifying and exhausting months of his life. He shivered at the contact, leaning instinctively towards Ainosuke.

« Everything is going to be okay. I’ll take care of you, from now on. »

* * *

Ainosuke might have been chained to his desk most of the time, and yet, he had somehow managed to get control over a section of the back garden. It was more like a park, this was probably why nobody cared when a small skateboard rink appeared out of nowhere. 

They trained together every day.

Whenever they could sneak out, they joined Kojiro and Kaoru at the abandoned mine. Ainosuke had big plans for the following summer – a goal that seemed far away only if you hadn’t heard said plans. There had never been a proper skate community in the area, so the idea was to turn the mine into their giant, rent-free racing kingdom. The more they talked about it, the more Ainosuke’s mind went crazy: they would have to come up with code names, for privacy reasons, and wear a special outfit for competitions; he could even try and meddle with his family contacts’ at the local police, to make sure they wouldn’t get into trouble. 

Tadashi did not know much about building secret societies and corrupting police officers, but he smiled nonetheless. There were other things he knew about, though. Like lazy morning smiles and the smell of coffee, a fit of giggles and the sound of the housekeeper’s steps approaching the kitchen; a hand clasping his and dragging him away, into the most remote corners of the house, where no one could find them, _‘where no one could take you away from me’_ ; the lingering hugs and those forehead kisses that strayed every day a little further. Ainosuke’s lips must have memorised the shape of his cheekbones, by now, and the curve of his nose, and all those spots right above his chin, close to the mouth but never quite enough.

And with every kiss, his head felt a little lighter. 

* * *

Winter came and, to Tadashi’s surprise, so did a sort of nostalgic feeling for those days spent outside with his friends. _Ainosuke’s friends_ , technically, although he was always so kind to point out that _sure, they were his friends_ , but they liked Tadashi enough to let him hang out with him. He enjoyed their company, their flirty banter, and just the general feeling of being part of a group. 

All fleeting thoughts, though. Winter also meant more snuggling under the covers in-between Ainosuke’s commitments and the infrequent moments his relatives showed up. It meant more kisses. It meant the older’s boy hands tracing invisible patterns under Tadashi’s shirt, and his mouth getting bolder, capturing his lips in few, tender kisses that made Tadashi’s heart almost explode. 

Tadashi got the flu towards the end of October and Ainosuke, unexpectedly, _panicked_. Tadashi found himself confined to the – _their -_ bedroom, wrapped in multiple layers of blankets and Ainosuke attended to him like a dutiful husband.

Tadashi had never enjoyed a fever before.

It was a funny experience, really, being locked up – _literally_ locked up – in a room, not being able to choose even his own food (Ainosuke made sure he only had the healthiest, best meals to speed up the recovery), and seeing only one person for weeks. Cosy, perhaps _aggressively_ cosy, but that was Ainosuke in a nutshell: desperately passionate, incapable of simply _liking_ things or _doing_ something, no, he had to go crazy over it.

 _Crazy over Tadashi_.

As he lied in bed, still a bit feverish, he thought of his mom; of the few times he had been sick, as a kid, and she had sat next to him on his bed. Maybe he should have called. Maybe he should have let her know he was oaky – long gone, but okay. He should have run this past Ainosuke, see what he thought.

« I was thinking- » he began, anxious without really knowing why « Uhm, I was thinking maybe I could check in with my mum? »

« Sounds like a great idea. »

« Yeah. » Tadashi found himself smiling. « I won’t tell her where I am, obviously. »

« I bet. I’m sure she’s your mom and everything, but even parents can find it difficult to look over...certain things. »

« What do you mean? »

« Nothing, just- » he gestured at the space around them « All this. I mean how you got this far. The _stealing_ , you know. And living here. It might come out the wrong way. As if you were in some sort of trouble. »

« _Oh_. »

It never occurred to Tadashi that something could have been lost in the process. He always saw his escape like an ongoing event, an active choice he was carrying on daily; running from something implies something is chasing you, right? Then again, he did say it himself: he _walked_ away. He left. There was no chasing, most definitely no police involved. It would have taken a single look at his life to figure out what happened – yet another failure dropping off school and becoming a burden to society, only without paying taxes. 

« You think she would be- »

« Man, she’s your mum. I wouldn’t know. I’m just trying to take care of you. I don’t want you to get sad over it. Parents can be harsh, I know that from experience. » 

« Yeah. »

 _It never occurred to him that he couldn’t go home anymore_. 

« C’mere, I didn’t mean to make you upset. »

Tadashi climbed out of his covers, into the older’s boy embrace. Ainosuke stroked his back lovingly and planted a kiss on top of his head. 

« You know what? We can call her together after everything is sorted. I will get you a nice position in the company as soon as you turn eighteen. I know it seems far away, but wouldn’t it be nice to tell her how amazing your life is? And who knows » the boy lifted Tadashi’s chin and pressed a thumb on his lips « what else might have happened by then. »

Ainosuke gave him a knowing smile and for a moment, before kissing him, Tadashi thought some things were worth losing, if he could get to call _this_ his new home in return.

* * *

Tadashi did get to call the mansion ‘home’ in a way more visceral than he could have ever imagined. After the flu, it was Christmas break, when Ainosuke had to work non-stop and claimed he couldn’t manage without Tadashi around. And with the new year, they began a training routine to get ready for a skating comeback. The cold season was gentle and quick, so Tadashi was expecting to be out on the mine soon – then Ainosuke claimed they should be practicing more by themselves so that Tadashi would be almost as good as the three of them by the time they will have started racing. It was hard to mind the lack of company when Ainosuke was the only company Tadashi craved. They trained and fell and laughed and kissed day after day.

Be it one thing or another, Tadashi barely left the house until spring. 

Kojiro seemed unbothered by the passing of time, in the most pleasant way. He resumed talking to the younger boy as if not a single day had passed and Tadashi really appreciated it. Kaoru, however, eyed him suspiciously for at least a week, before introducing the subject.

« Been busy, uh? What are you guys up to? » he asked, but there was no genuine interest there, as if the question was only an excuse to get up and close to Tadashi, to give him a chance to study the younger boy « I know _he_ can be a lot, sometimes. Don’t let him bully you into anything you don’t want to do, okay? He just needs to be reminded he’s just human like us, every now and then. »

« There’s nothing going on. » Tadashi tensed up immediately « And _he_ is anything but a bully. »

« I didn’t mean- » Kaoru sighed, then rolled his eyes and started over, with a more patient tone « He’s my friend, I know he’s a good person. But even good people have flaws. And it’s our duty, as his friends, to help him be the best version of himself. And _your_ duty, especially, as, _well_. You know. »

Tadashi didn’t know or acted like he didn’t. Kaoru didn’t have time to poke him twice, because Ainosuke and Kojiro were back from their last race. There was a strange tension about them, and Tadashi was especially curious about Kojiro’s face: he had never seen such a serious-looking expression on the other boy’s face. 

« Everything okay? » he murmured, eyes meeting Ainosuke’s.

« Sure. » his friend replied without hesitation, sporting a big grin. « Just a fun race. »

« Yeah. » Kojiro seemed to have a different opinion, though « A fun race to remind us that certain things are off the table. Especially when the tournament starts. »

Ainosuke did nothing but smiling. Tadashi wanted to know more, but then the other boy took his hand in his and said they were going _home_ , and his heart wasn’t still completely fine with that little word.

* * *

Ainosuke was a good teacher. He took it upon himself to make Tadashi’s technique perfect and to challenge the boy’s dismissive nature with some daring tricks. In spite of the fact he was objectively getting better, though, Tadashi began feeling disconnected from skating, somehow; the higher he jumped, the little he cared about the landing. He would have gladly learned to fly, for Ainosuke’s sake, but if things were up to him, he would have happily spent their days snuggling under a blanket. 

« The way you skate... » Ainosuke murmured, almost lost in the memory.

« Mh? » Tadashi turned to look at him « What do you mean? »

« You’re afraid of nothing, aren’t you? You’re amazing. »

« Stop it. » Tadashi was blushing furiously.

« That’s true. Would you do something for me? »

« _Anything_. »

« Remember that stunt I was thinking about... »

« The one Kojiro got upset over? »

« Mh-mh. » Ainosuke nodded « Will you try it with me? »

« Didn’t he say- »

« What? »

Ainosuke’s face didn’t betray any emotion but the usual, gentle smile he reserved for Tadashi. And nonetheless, Tadashi felt something cold and bitter forming at the pit of his stomach. 

« Okay. »

« That’s my boy. »

Later, while Ainosuke was rinsing a cloth with cold water and lovingly stroking Tadashi’s forearm to clean off the blood, he thought of his mum again. She held his head on his lap the first time Tadashi had tried jumping over a fence in the park and fallen. It would be stupid to call her now, tell her he got hurt doing yet some other dangerous skating shit. There was nothing special about it.

They got hurt so many times, together. What was one more? 

* * *

The bruises were never a problem. Not with Ainosuke kissing each and every one of them reverently, murmuring words of praise against Tadashi’s skin. _The bruises were the good part, the one where they were together_.

Then, Ainosuke started going out again to skate with Kojiro and Kaoru, but he demanded Tadashi stayed home and rested. They were already training so much at home, and their friends would have never understood what they were doing until Tadashi had mastered his new tricks.

 _‘We’ll show them together’_.

Tadashi took care of some secretary duties for Ainosuke, although it only took a couple of hours in the evening. The rest of his time was filled with cloudy thoughts, as if he had been drinking a very peculiar kind of alcohol which made everything blurry; and the only clear image was Ainosuke, his voice the only audible sound. Tadashi vaguely remembered they had planned to call his mum, at some point, but he couldn’t remember when. And Ainosuke acted very annoyed whenever he had brought up the subject in the past – ‘ _what, do you want to leave? I thought you were happy here with me’_ – so Tadashi never mentioned it again.

One night only he decided to check out the television. He never quite knew what to watch without Ainosuke, so he settled for some local news, hoping to find some soothing images of the ocean. After all that time, the boat ride to Okinawa was still one of his dearest memories. Nothing of that sort, just a couple of shop owners lamenting yet another act of vandalism to their properties and a boy who ended up at the local ER after a nasty accident. 

Tadashi squinted a bit: the mother was talking to a journalist, rambling about parks and safe equipment, and for a moment he could swear there was a skateboard on the hospital floor right behind her feet.

« _Watching anything interesting?_ »

Ainosuke had always been an exceptionally graceful young man, giving Tadashi – and anyone living with him – frequent heart attacks. Tonight, though, something inside Tadashi had frozen and he found himself incapable of being startled. He stared for a little longer at the screen, while a cameraman tried to take a peek of the boy with a tasteless close-up; before the mother kicked them out, Tadashi saw a bruised harm hanging from a bed, smeared in blood. He swallowed, searching for a hint of disgust or fear or any trace of human empathy, but he felt nothing. All that was left was an ice-cold block where his heart used to be.

« Where the fuck have you been? » he almost growled, the anger in his own voice making him shudder.

« Excuse me? »

Tadashi stood up from the sofa and turned to face Ainosuke, a storm raging in the younger’s eyes.

« _Where the fuck were you?_ »

He was ready to take any punishment the other boy would see fit, right now he did not care; and when he saw Ainosuke’s smirk, as if this reaction was pleasing him more than anything, and his blood-stained clothes, Tadashi saw red.

« You did this, didn’t you! » he screamed and threw himself at the older boy « _You did this to that boy!_ »

« Well, aren’t you a smart one. » Ainosuke chuckled, easily trapping the smaller boy in his arms.

« _You were skating with him_. » Tadashi almost sobbed, faced pressed against Ainosuke’s chest. « You tried _that_ with him. _Our_ trick. »

For a moment, Ainosuke’s body stiffened.

« I see. » he murmured, his tone softer, and began to stroke Tadashi’s back « Is this why you were so upset? Mh? Because you can’t stand the thought of me touching anyone else? »

« You don’t _need_ anyone else. » Tadashi whispered. « I am not scared. I can do it. As many times as you want. _You only need me_. »

« Ah, but you’re right. » Ainosuke lifted his chin up to get a god look at Tadashi’s face « You’re the only one. That boy was a _...nothing_. He was there, I was getting bored. There’s nothing more to it. »

Slowly, Tadashi nodded.

He didn’t ask how the boy was. Whether Ainosuke was sorry. What Kojiro and Kaoru thought of it. He stood on his tiptoes, eyes bright and hopeful, until Ainosuke closed the distance between them with a fierce kiss. Tadashi sighed in relief and allowed Ainosuke to pull him to their bedroom. They had kissed and fallen asleep in each other’s arms so many times, but nothing more than that. Sometimes, Tadashi had wondered whether that _thing_ between them only existed in his head. But then, Ainosuke was pushing him into the bed and taking off their clothes, his focus on Tadashi and Tadashi only.

 _‘No one else but us’_ , those words were murmured into his skin, Ainosuke’s mouth pressed to the curve of his hipbone, _‘like we were the only ones in the world, like Adam and Eve, rebuilding the world just like we want it’,_ and Tadashi cried softly when he felt the other boy buried deep inside him, wishing those words could be true.

* * *

« Kamata, spare me a moment, will you. »

« Sir? »

« How is our little Kai doing? »

« The usual. I can’t- »

« _You_ are doing great. You are not even paid to keep his file open. »

« With all due respect Sir, if I were after the money, I wouldn’t be here. »

« Fair point, my dear. »

« What is it, Sir? »

« I am afraid I am losing my touch. Remind me again, the ferry...? »

« To Okinawa, presumably. »

« Ah, yes. Mh. »

« What is it? _Please,_ Sir. »

« Funny thing, human memory. I just remembered- Mind me, it has nothing to do with kids and disappearings. Have you ever heard of the Shindo family? »

« I am vaguely aware they’re rich. That’s all. »

« Di you know the boy, the one who’ll get all the money I mean, once had some troubles with the law? »

« Not really, no. »

« It keeps bugging me, for some reason. Because, you see, everything was scrubbed off the records, money gets what money wants... but I remember he was messing around with a skateboard. Somebody got hurt. Isn’t that... I don’t know, a sign, I guess? Yes, that's probably why. »

« I am not sure I am following, Sir. »

« Silly me. What I meant to say is that, uhm, the boy, the family home his in Okinawa. Maybe it’s some sort of skater paradise we’re not aware of. »

« Maybe. »

« Ah, forgive me, Kamata. It must be because the retirement party is coming up soon. My brain is looking for a last kick of adrenaline. »

« You would _never_. »

« You’re too kind, darling. »

« You’ve been nothing but kind to me, Sir. How could I not? »

« I am so proud of you. »

« Sir- »

« Please, look after Kai for me, will you? I know you will. »

« Yes, Sir. »

* * *

« I think I should call home. » Tadashi murmured, at some point after his eighteenth birthday.

« Thinking a lot lately, aren’t we? »

Tadashi bowed his head.

« I just feel like things are going well. She might be happy to know. »

« If you think you can explain what’s going on here. »

« Well, I have a job- » he trailed off.

Ainosuke smiled softly from his desk.

« Oh, don’t give me that face. You know I hate it when you’re sad. »

« I know. »

He did have a job, but he didn’t. There was no contract between them – _‘don’t you trust me?’ –_ only Ainosuke taking care of him, as always, and introducing him to the world as his assistant. Tadashi had seen Kaoru, once, from afar. The puzzled look on the other boy's face spoke volumes about his opinion – he was probably wondering how somebody like him could be qualified to assist Ainosuke.

« Look, it’s up to you, as usual. All I am saying is, it might look bad, from the outside. You living here, _with me_ , without a contract or anything to prove you deserve this job. I know you do, you’re so smart and reliable. But you don’t have a single piece of paper. It kinda looks like, _you know_ \- » and he accompanied his words with one of his gestures that meant nothing and everything « there is something _inappropriate_ going on between us. »

Tadashi fought the urge to laugh. _Inappropriate_. He thought of his bruised and marks – the ones from sex and those from skating – and wondered which ones they were talking about, now. Probably both. _He was just that good at letting others using him_. 

« What do you say, Tadashi? »

« Maybe it’s a bad idea, after all. »

« I agree. »

« But I want to skate more. We barely every practice these days. I know your family think it’s a waste of time, but- »

« Sure. »

Tadashi frowned.

« Just like that? »

« Just like that. » Ainosuke shrugged, then open his arms to invite Tadashi closer « I want you to be happy. Safe first, yes, but happy, too. »

Tadashi didn’t think twice before taking him up on his offer. He nuzzled Ainosuke’s neck, shivering when the older boy sneaked a hand under his shirt. 

« _Good boy_. » he murmured, tugging at Tadashi’s hair, gentle but firm.

_We’ll be skating together again._

The younger boy pushed that thought aside, as he dropped on the floor and quietly settled himself between Ainosuke’s legs, rubbing his nose against the elder’s inner tight.

_It will be like before._

* * *

The skating was fine, hurting still, and yet just about _fine_. Tadashi could put on band-aids and take painkillers. He couldn’t escape Ainosuke’s draining new hobby, though.

 _‘How much do you love me?’, the_ older boy would ask him. Jump _that_ high, if you love me as you say. And then, in a serious voice, _‘would you kill for me?’_ , which would leave Tadashi hurt and speechless; as if his love didn’t matter unless it matched some crazy psychotic standards. _I’d kill myself for you,_ he wanted to say, but didn’t, because he felt like Ainosuke would have laughed at him; _I think I already am._

At last, his devotion was rewarded with a trip to the mine. Tadashi hadn’t been there in over a year. _Over a year_. The timeline flashed before his eyes, together with the memory of Kojiro and Kaoru. What was so wrong about Tadashi that they didn’t even try and talk to him again? They just accepted his disappearance like the change of season.

« Ready to jump? »

Ainosuke smiled at him like he used to, at the very beginning. He was unfairly beautiful, even more than before, and Tadashi felt a sudden rush of gratitude. The world was far from perfect, he couldn’t expect anything to be different; yes, Ainosuke was hard work, but all worth it, in the end. 

They raced side by side for what it felt like hours, laughing and teasing each other with every trick. 

« Do you still remember it? » Ainosuke challenged him.

« _Hell yes_. »

The last thing in Tadashi’s memory was a loud, terrifying cracking sound.

Later, a kind nurse told him that must have been his right arm.

* * *

Someone told him it was a side effect of the painkillers, yet, Tadashi didn’t feel any better about it. He knew that he had been in a hospital room for a while, as well as he knew he was in his bedroom, now, but he couldn’t really tell the difference, nor could he single out the people around him. Until Ainosuke showed up, of course.

« There’s my boy. » he murmured, lovingly, as he proceeded to change some of the bandages on Tadashi’s arm « You’re such a brave little soldier. I’m proud of you. »

Tadashi was grateful he did not have the physical energy to reply because he didn’t trust his own mind to make sense. _Thank you_ , he wanted to say, and _anything, for you_. Wasn’t that obvious enough, though? Every inch of his body was covered in proofs of his adoration. Every drop of blood he’d spilled was a tribute to his love.

Ainosuke tended to him like the most devoted husband, just like the time Tadashi had been hill, their first winter together. Tadashi wasn’t strong enough for any physical intimacy beyond cuddles, so Ainosuke made sure to shower him in kisses and hold him in his arms until he fell asleep.

« I’ll be better, next time. » Tadashi heard himself muttering, dozing off in Ainosuke’s embrace « I’ll do it right. I’ll make you proud. _I’ll be your Eve._ »

* * *

The doctor made it clear there was only one date for Tadashi to get back on a skate and that date was _never_. How ironic that, after so many years flying on a board, it wasn’t until he had gotten off permanently that Tadashi really started to fall.

Ainosuke took the news with a strained smile and an unusually rigid posture. There was nothing to add, though, since Tadashi couldn’t be _the one_ anymore. And in Ainosuke’s logic, this meant he had never been the one, or else this wouldn’t have happened. 

Tadashi always thought that was when he stopped smiling, for good, until he realised he must have missed that moment a long time ago, because nobody, and definitely not Ainosuke, seemed to notice. He made himself ready for the pain, the bitterness, the regret; but he hadn’t expect the relief that came with them. 

_The race was over._

_He lost._

The competition was over and he had nothing left to prove. Ainosuke’s love was out of reach, their perfect trick just a fantasy. And yet, in that loss, Tadashi found something unexpected: _freedom_. He wasn’t allowed to have opinions or to be _anything_ , to Ainosuke; and so, he didn’t have choices to make nor he had to be worthy of him anymore.

And it was like this, _freely_ , that he made a conscious decision to stay, forever. The day after the doctor’s announcement, he welcomed Ainosuke with his usual morning coffee, eyes empty and cold, but his voice as sure as it had never been.

« Anything I can do for you this morning? »

The thrill in Ainosuke’s eyes was impossible to miss. Tadashi knew for a fact he had just made himself irreplaceable, because Ainosuke had broken so many toys before, and threw them away, but he never had a broken one he could still play with. 

He barely felt anything when Ainosuke bent him over his desk and fucked him senseless. He sighed in relief. _His heart had already been shattered._ It did not hurt like he had feared.

What did bother him, though, was the constant mentioning of cute boys that Ainosuke enjoyed throwing every now and then. Tadashi stubbornly demanded to get a license, ignoring the still frequent jolts of pain from his arm that wasn’t happy to take over a job so quickly, so he could drive Ainosuke around and get the live commentary instead of the evening roundup. They often took the longer route around the city that followed the park, where there was always at least a couple of guys practicing. Tadashi wasn’t less irritated by the comments, but he got a chance to do some field research. Unsurprisingly, he found that Ainosuke had a keen interest in boys with big, sad eyes and dark hair and a certain disregard for physical pain. 

The one day Tadashi didn’t go along with him, Ainosuke was late. He sneaked into Tadashi’s room with his Adam’s mask still on, a splash of blood on his left sleeve.

« Did you have fun today? » Tadashi asked, monotone.

« I had an excellent evening. » the man confirmed.

« Mh, I see. Some nurse gotta work overnight? »

Ainosuke barked a laugh that would have sent chills down anyone else’s spine. Tadashi barely shrugged.

« There was two of them, but the redhead got scared. His friend is a good jumper, though. Well » he made a pause « _used to be,_ I guess. Oh, don’t give me that face. _I was bored_. They have nothing to do with the real thing. »

« Aren’t you worried about the news? This is getting... _weird_. »

« I can deal with the news. _What news_ anyway. A silly little boy falling on his skate would never make it to the news, not even to the papers. Someone should call them, for that to happen. And who would tell? »

Tadashi stood in front of Ainosuke and began to undress him, as diligent as usual. 

« _Who would care?_ »

* * *

« Planning a holiday? »

« Uh? »

« Okinawa. Is it for your next holiday? »

« We’re policemen. _What holidays_. »

« Damn, you’re right. »

« I wasn’t, though. It’s...complicated. »

« Must be about that old case your mentor left you. The kid. »

« _Kai_. »

« Sorry, I didn’t know his name. _Kai_. »

« It’s weird. There’s this place in Okinawa that apparently has more skating accidents than...well, anywhere else I guess. There was an article online just today. »

« Not to be _that_ person, but, you know, it’s probably such a small and boring town there’s nothing else to write about. I bet kids break their bones every day all around the world. »

« You’re right. I know you’re right. It’s just a feeling. »

« Still, no one would say a word if you happened to spend your next weekend off _there_. I wouldn't, for sure. »

« I appreciate that. »

* * *

« _I missed you today_. »

If Tadashi’s heart skipped a beat, he didn’t show it. And there was hardly anything romantic about it.

« I hate when you have to run errands all day. »

Ainosuke’s voice was honey-thick, terrifyingly sweet, and Tadashi felt trapped by those words. He swallowed hard and forced himself to look impassible, even when Ainosuke came up to him and placed a hand on his cheek. 

« Well, that’s my job. »

« Mh. You know what else is your job? »

« I guess I’d known if I had ever received a written contract. » he bit back, for the first and last time in forever.

« Feeling rebellious today, I see. »

 _Fucking worth it_.

Ainosuke let his hand slip to his throat and squeezed a little. 

« Always my good boy, aren’t you? »

« _Always_. »

The man grabbed him by his throat and shoved him against the wall, with a devilish grin to match Tadashi’s empty stare. 

« _Do you still love me?_ »

« _Yes_. » Tadashi replied, not missing one beat. 

Whatever he had been feeling for Ainosuke was still there, it always had and always will have been. There was no doubt. He wondered, though, as he let the older man fuck him against the wall as if both their lives depended on it, whether ‘love’ was the right name for it. 

* * *

There were a few things in this world that could get under Tadashi’s skin the way Miya did. All lithe limbs and pouty lips, he looked up at Tadashi as if he perfectly understood what was going on. He often did so when Ainosuke had his hands on his shoulders and was whispering some skating wisdom in his ear; Miya would pretend to focus, then tilted his head and stare point-blank at Tadashi, never far, busy swallowing his own pride. His body almost ached from the effort it took not to run up to them and shove Ainosuke away.

_Tadashi saw Miya jump and he knew._

Miya was gifted, unfairly skilled just the way Ainosuke liked ‘em. His act was put together, in spite of the young age, and Ainosuke was having a harder time than usual when it came to breaking the kid. Which only meant his obsession with Miya grew faster and stronger.

The boy lacked any survival instinct in a whole different way. On the board, he could see his own limits and apply basic laws of the physics to keep his young precious bones intact as long as possible; sprawled on the sofa, all eyelashes and high-pitched moans of delight while Ainosuke played him some cool skating videos, he was a cute baby mermaid boy diving into a pool of sharks. 

Tadashi didn’t know why Miya’s presence bothered him so much more than any other men Ainosuke had brought home for one of his one-night stands – that did happen, not so frequently, but often enough to merge into the background noise of his life. It had never been a skater before. 

_Never been a boy with big eyes and dark hair._

It moved something that had been buried deep inside of him for a long, long time.

« You got the night off. There was a movie you wanted to see anyway, wasn’t it? » Adam asked him, a certain evening after a race.

Tadashi never knew what set him off – the tone, the assumption he could be that stupid, or Miya’s board lying shamelessly across the entrance. 

« I could never. You have a guest, you will most definitely need my help. »

« Will I? » 

Ainosuke’s eyes lighted up at the reaction, pleasantly surprised. 

_Two can play at this game_.

It was hard to believe Ainosuke hadn’t figured him out, after all these years, and yet, here they were. Tadashi’s pain was obvious - _too obvious_ , it should have been suspicious - but that was Ainosuke’s weakness: _that pain felt too good to pass on_. His satisfaction in hurting Tadashi had stopped being a secret years ago, and that’s when Tadashi had remembered: _he didn’t care if he fell_. He could be hurt a thousand times over and just _blink_ at Ainosuke. But Ainosuke _needed_ his pain. He wouldn’t let go of his broken toy.

As he put an end to the conversation, the only image filling Tadashi’s mind was Miya’s face, round and childish, the face of a kid.

« I’ll set the table for dinner. »

Later, when Ainosuke was taking his usual evening call for the aunts, Tadashi decided to put an end to the whole thing, too. He took Miya by his arms and dragged the boy to the door.

« You’re not welcomed here anymore. » he threw him his skate « Go home. »

« I don’t think you know who you’re talking to. » Miya hissed.

« _Go home_. » Tadashi nearly shouted.

Miya froze for a moment, eyes wide in shock. Then he turned to the door, and back again, eyeing Tadashi almost shyly. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, before speaking.

« U-uhm. » he stuttered « You, uhm. You should put something on that thing. On your neck. Looks like a nasty bruise. »

And with that, he was gone. Tadashi didn’t have the time to reply _‘which one’_. 

* * *

He should have been a nurse, for all the time he had spent between visiting hospitals and cleaning up the blood. Tadashi sighed. He hadn’t been asked to check on this one guy in particular, then again, better safe than sorry. It was the middle of the night, the kids had probably sneaked out in secret, no chance parents could be involved.

He spotted Miya from afar, then that Langa boy he was already starting to hate. Finally, the redhead showed up, with a bandaged arm, but looking well all things considered. 

Headache avoided, he made his way back to the exit. Ainosuke would have probably been uninterested in the result of his enquiry, but at least Tadashi could sleep.

« Oh, my bad- »

Lost in his thoughts, he bumped into another person. The woman smiled kindly and shook her head as if to say she was fine. Then, she titled her head as her eyes focused on his face.

« _Kai...?_ »

« Excuse me? »

Tadashi blinked in confusion. The woman was suddenly turning beetroot red.

« I am terribly sorry. You- you reminded me of someone. I apologise. That was so rude. »

« Not a problem. Have a pleasant night, ma’am. »

He gave her a small nod and resumed walking.

« Wait a second!»

« Mh?» Tadashi turned.

« Are you from here? »

« I am, yes. »

« I am a detective. My name is Kiriko Kamada. It’s a bit of a stretch, I am aware, but I’m looking into some, uhm, _sport-related_ accidents. I might use some locals’ insight. If it’s not too much trouble, would you take my card and let me know if you happen to notice, let’s say, any _unusual_ activity in the park? »

« _Sport-related?_ » he inquired, politely.

« Yes, that’s- » she raised her arm and let them fall again « Who am I kidding. I know you have a big skating community here, I read online you also had a lot of weird skating accidents, so I decided to spend my weekend off snooping around. Would you still take my card, just in case? »

Tadashi couldn’t help smiling at the woman. She looked all flustered now, but she must have been the good kind of cop, _the kind who wouldn’t take money from him_.

« No problem at all. Give me your card. »

* * *

The thing about Langa was that, unlike Miya, he wasn’t an unpleasant person. He looked terribly polite and downright sweet with his friends. On the other hand, Ainosuke’s ramblings about the boy had reached the point of no return. The man was _intolerable_. 

_Fuck_ , Tadashi was beginning to miss Miya.

« I’m in _love_. » Ainosuke murmured, the day of the race, right before getting out of the car « Wish me luck? »

« Good luck. » Tadashi said, mechanically.

Ainosuke laughed to himself, then grabbed him by his tie and kissed him, biting down into his lower lip until he drew blood.

« More like it. » he murmured, approvingly,.

Tadashi prayed there wouldn’t be any bloodstains on the car he had washed that very morning.

With one of his signature sighs, he turned on the equipment. The image was flawless, almost too much, and he couldn’t help but admitting that Langa was indeed gorgeous. A sight to behold. The Canadian boy was giving Ainosuke a run for his money. Tadashi clenched his fists, preparing himself for what was about to happen, until Ainosuke made his move, and-

 _The boy was reckless. He didn’t skate like someone who wasn’t afraid to fall, he skated like someone who didn’t care if he did_.

Langa was holding on for dear life and Tadashi could almost _feel_ Ainosuke’s excitement through the screen.

_But he’d be damned before he fell on someone else’ terms._

Tadashi’s breathe was caught in his throat as he followed the two skaters, his brain starting to work quickly. It was him – _Eve_. The stupidly brave one, the one who looked at God himself and spitted in his face, the one who took what no one else dared to. 

_And he wouldn’t even know_.

Langa would never, could never understand any of it - the blood and the roses and the kisses and the scars. Langa was a spoiled little brat who’d run away from _him_ after one day, and Tadashi will have lost everything for a child’s whim.

 _Langa would fight back_. He wouldn’t let things just happen to him. And for once, Tadashi couldn’t either. With shaky hands, he took out his cellphone, while searching in his pocket for a piece of paper he had been carrying with him for a few days, now. Not that he thought it could be of any use, but somehow, there was a _warmth_ attached to it.

Tadashi pressed a series of numbers and took a deep breath.

« This is inspector Kamata speaking. How can I help you? »

« There’s, uhm- »

Tadashi’s voice got caught in his throat. What was he doing?

_What the fuck was he doing?_

« Hello there? Are you okay? »

He couldn’t allow one single stupid boy to ruin everything, no matter how pretty or talented. 

« What is it? » the woman pressed him, her tone urgent but the kindness was there, always had been. 

Tadashi squeezed the wheel a little tighter.

« _You don’t have to tell me. I’ll just come and get you._ » she spoke again, softly.

The trembling in her voice was impossible to miss. It had to be a coincidence, Tadashi forced himself to think, she couldn’t possibly remember that. She couldn’t possibly _care_ to remember those words. Maybe she had said that sentence a lot, it could have been standard procedure for all he knew. There hadn’t been a single moment in his life when Tadashi had thought of himself as special or remarkable in any way. There must have been hundreds, thousands of angry teenagers disappearing into the night with a skateboard and a backpack. Tadashi wasn’t the only one.

 _Tadashi wasn’t the only one_.

And for the first time in forever, that didn’t sound like a fault. 

« The abandoned mine. There’s a boy- »

« Yes... ? » 

« _A boy on a skateboard_. »

 _There it was_.

It had taken him about a decade to utter those five words. And perhaps he was still being selfish; perhaps those words were for him, not for Langa, _not for Kai_ , but even giving them his least already felt so much better than giving nothing. All the in-between that spanned from succeeding and failing – everything that had brought him away from home and to Adam, all those years ago – was now flashing before his eyes; all the _trying_ , the half-truths. Every time he had shoved Miya out of the door without a reason – and what if he hadn't known the reason because there wasn’t _his_ mind behind it, what if had been _Kai_ all along?

The answer came, ten years later, _better late than never_ , and Tadashi’s whole body relaxed, defeated and peaceful. 

« I understand. » she said « I’m on my way. »

 _The boy was going home_.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Me, a procedural-obsessed fangirl, seeing episode 6** : OH MY GOD, THAT’S A D E T E C T I V E! What if Tadashi is A KID ADAM KIDNAPPED YEARS AGO AND HE WAS HER FIRST CASE BUT THEY NEVER FOUND HIM-  
>  **My ever so patient friend, waiting for what’s obviously coming next** : :3  
>  **Me, wiping a tear** : OH MY GOD SHE’S BASICALLY OLIVIA BENSON! I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW!
> 
> _Be still, my lizard brain._
> 
> A couple of **notes** to point out the obvious:  
> *the second boy who gets hurt with ‘the readhead’ friend is Reki’s friend who quitted skating  
> *Tadashi’s opinions on himself, his friends and life in general are his own and not mine  
> *Kai Aizawa is a completely random name, I just put together a name + surname I like.


End file.
